—I was watching my friend Jeffrey do really impressive bouldering, and I was awestruck, but then I was like, this is silly
—And then I was impressed by myself doing a non-trivial move, and I was like, what sort of stupid bullshit is this
—Beautiful day in California and here we are leaping around like bunny rabbits on artificial walls with plastic holds, this is so fake
—But then I realized: much of what I admire as “real, gritty sport” is fake, in the sense that it has highly artificial constraints
—Like, I make fun of aikido for being fake: the aikidoka says, “approach me at just such an angle and I will flip you beautifully!!!”
—But in BJJ, or even MMA, we have decided, like gentlemen, that you will not break my finger, or just reach for my trachea
—Or, more to the point, get your boys to kick me when I’m down, or hit me with a bottle
—Aesthetic, satisfying human competition typically requires some suspension of the harsh realities of actual unchecked competition
—Thus, many noble human activities fall under the category of “fake fighting,” or “semi-real competition”
—One commercial equivalent to “don’t break my fingers, please” is copyright, maybe
—Amazon can sell a duplicate of your product, but if you have a great cheese called D’Arcy’s Cheddar, Amazon can’t just turn around and sell D’Arcy’s Cheddar, they have to engage in some superficial cloaking of the move at least (“Archer’s Ched”)
—Though these competitions are fake in the sense that they’re constrained, fake fighting creates real meaning
—Whether it’s aikido or a private label cheddar brand, constrained conflicts can make you feel like you’ve achieved mastery over this chaotic universe, even if part of that universe is the government or the Nevada State Athletic Commission, keeping much of the rest of the universe at bay
—It’s good to keep in mind how tenuous this balance is, and how artificial the competitions you partake in are, or you kind of lose perspective
—This relates to the disposition of the mall cop, or the middle manager who acts like Louis XIV: they are someone who has mistaken the fake fight for the real fight
—To someone who thinks they’re doing real fighting, the greatest insult is to remind them that they’re doing fake fighting, and we are almost all doing fake fighting, in some sense